anna's blog

grey's anatomy....judy visit

exactly a year ago today i got my first cocktail of poison, better known as chemotherapy....as i have previously said, i dont remember much...just certain details...i remember heather who is a head RN on 5300 (or something like that) administered the first dosage of chemo via my port...i was scared but ready...the next thing i remember was the night nurse coming in to check on me and checking my temp and having a fever as well as my heart rate very elevated...it would not go down and finally they decided to call dr grossman who then wanted to talk to tom...he asked tom how i looked? the funny thing it was surreal for me, everyone was running around and i kept telling everyone i felt fine and i did...but the numbers didnt match.. i cannot emphasize that i felt good...

when i saw dr grossman this past tuesday we chatted on that day and he said he was up all night talking to the staff on 5300 as well as the intensive care unit, which is where i ended up for a few days...praise God i am here to tell my version one year later....God continues to bless me every second of the day....

today, my best friend judy came up to my parents house to have dinner with us and have an early celebration of my birthday as well as reflect on this past year...it is always great spending time with her and having her as a friend...she truly is like a sister...

after judy left i watched a few minutes of grey's anatomy...i cannot describe how emotional those few minutes made me...i caught it in the part where Izzy marries Alex and they get back to her hospital room and when Alex removes her hairclip, attached is a clump of hair...Izzy pulls on her hair noticing it is falling out from the chemotherapy and starts to cry..Alex says to her "its ok you are still beautiful, its only hair, we will shave it off"...wow, when my hair first started falling off those were the exact words tom said to me..i cant help but get choked up thinking about it...tom has been awesome through all of this...i love him so much and to God i am thankful for sending me such a great man/soulmate..with or without hair tom has never stopped telling me how beautiful i was or give me words of encouragement to help me pick myself up and keep going...ok, i need to stop because i am going to start balling...

tonight we are staying at my parents house..tom went out after work for a couple of drinks so it is easier to stay here...tomorrow tj and i will go back home during the day...

its amazing what can happen in a year...God bless...

haircut and yankee history...

a year ago today my dad and my uncle nati drove out to the hospital to bring out my hairdresser from my childhood and adulthood, luchy, so that she could cut my hair short in preparation for the chemotherapy that was about to begin the next day...it was the smartest thing to do at the time because i didnt want to see clumps of long hair when it would start to fall out...i remember being really nervous about starting chemo, but at the same time ready to start it and kill all the cancer cells that were in me..we saved all of my hair and put in a ziplock but later found out we could not donate it because it had to be a certain length for "locks of love"..the ziplock has been in our office for a while, i cannot bear to throw it out...maybe a wig can be made of it...i should really do research on that...

i went to see dr grossman on tuesday for my weekly checkup..he was back from vacation and came back with a cold...everything was good with me...while he was away my liver functions were a little elevated, which was a concern for the doctor covering for him, but after my blood test on tuesday, my liver functions were back to a normal level, praise God...tuesday was another big day...i stayed home and did not go into the city because i had to run a few errands...it felt GREAT to be alone and take care of TJ..i felt very independent and like my old self...TJ and I even went out to lunch..i love spending alone time with him....

final thing...today yankee history was made..derek jeter tied lou gehrig in hits...it was great to see it with tom and TJ...derek jeter is a GREAT baseball player..he will definitely take the express train to cooperstown one day....the yanks this year are reminding me of team they had in '96....they are great this year...

my inseparable companion...and new car!

today (september 5th) was exactly a year that my port (my inseparable companion) was installed to ensure easy access to blood and a way to insert the different types of chemo for the next 2 years..chemotherapy can collapse veins and by having the port it is a direct access..it took a little bit to get used to it, but now it's a part of me like anything else inside of me...

it was also the first time a lumbar puncture, also known as a spinal tap (the first of many) was performed...i remember after the surgery waking up and having such an urge to urinate and i kept telling the nurses, i really need to pee..i felt as if i were pregnant all over again and HAD TO PEE!!!! unfortunately, because of the spinal tap i would have to stay flat for at least 3-4 hours so the inevitable had to happen, they had to put a diaper on me...i cannot tell you what a relief i felt and i did not care i was wearing a diaper, i just had to empty my bladder...i remember tom and my parents coming in maybe an hour or so after the surgery..i say an hour because i remember that i still could not move when they got there...i finally got out of bed when the night nurses shift changed...this is when i met one of my favorite night time nurses and great friend, kristen, who i think about literally on a daily basis and thank her for so many good memories (laughs, cries, gossip, etc...) despite the circumstances we were all going through...

she has since moved down to North Carolina and don't hear from her much, but i know she knows i think of her often and will never forget her...

anyway, that night she came in and introduced herself to us and she said that whenever i was ready to get up from the bed i could, but had to take it slowly for i might feel a little light-headed...i warned her that i had a diaper on and that it literally could well weigh 50 pounds...her and tom walked me into the bathroom slowly and i kid you not the diaper fell to the floor literally like a sack of potatoes..i was mortified when it fell because there was a short moment of silence and all i said was "i told you"...then tom, kristin and i just laughed out loud because through it all it was still hilarious...here i am a 31 year old woman wearing something my 2 year old at home was wearing...

when i walked out of the bathroom my parents were sitting in there now designated seats and i could see what i took as a funny moment they were hearing and watching with pain in their eyes and heavy hearts...but i smiled at them to let them know i was fine and felt great, just a little sore from laying down for so long not being able to move....i never let them see me cry in the hospital..God always made sure i had high spirits for them..i prayed for it on a daily basis...i could not worry them more than they were already..

as i think back this is the room my asian neighbor who recently passed was in after i moved to the room next door to him....wow...i will miss seeing him at the cancer center...i nicknamed him buddha man because he looked like a buddha when he sat in his chair facing the hallway...God rest his soul and i am glad he is not suffering anymore...

on to other news, today we finally got a new car..i ALWAYS said i would not drive a minivan, but tom convinced me today as well as the great deal we got and there it sits in our driveway a 2009 Honda Odyssey...it's official i'm a soccer mom...the car has many new features that our current car does not have and tj is already in love with the dvd player and tom just wants to sit in the captain seat and be driven around..as he says "like the king that i am"...

i am just thankful to God that He continues to bless us with so many things, but mainly our health to enjoy His blessings....

tomorrow (September 6th) is Lele's birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY LELE!!! God bless you and we cannot wait to see you very soon...

tomorrow we are also going to mass and afterwards will try and go to the Bronx Zoo for a family adventure..i figure traffic and the crowds should not be too bad...let's see what happens...

that's it for tonight kiddies...sleep meds are kicking in and today was the last day of the steroids until the end of the month...