bone marrow biopsy and tj's 3 year old check-up

a year ago today was my first bone marrow biopsy...i can remember it as if it had just happened today...it was the first time i met margaret, dr. grossman's nurse who assists him on all biopsies...she was very sweet and rubbed my leg while tom held my hand...i have to say the biopsy had to be the most painful experience even after childbirth...it is usually a bedside procedure that takes less than 10 minutes with a little sedation, which was done that day...when dr. grossman proceeded it felt as if he were ripping out my side and i just gripped on to tom's hand for dear life, begging to God for the pain to subside as quickly as possible...dr grossman, as gently as possible would continue to push the needle in deeper to see if he could extract more specimen that he needed from the marrow but was unable to since my marrow was so packed with leukemia cells...finally after a stronger drug was administered and my grip loosened a bit on tom's hand, dr grossman extracted as much as he could...after that day he concluded that the rest of my biopsies would be performed under complete sedation in which i would not feel like a thing and it would take him literally 5 minutes and not the ordeal of almost a half hour he went through with me, he has kept his word since...i also remember feeling very groggy for a while and falling asleep for a few hours after that, but before that i remember tom kissing me on my forehead telling me how brave i was, little did he know that i thought he was and will always be my hero for being there with me and holding my hand throughout everything...he is truly the love of my life and soulmate...

at this point we decied to tell my mom (as well as other family and friends) i was getting a bone scan because the word biopsy immediately makes everyone think of cancer and dr. grossman had not concluded if in fact i had leukemia and much less what type of leukemia...of course, my mother (as i could tell by her voice over the phone) did not believe me, but accepted what i told her..i can only imagine what was going through her and my father's mind that night...

i remember september 2 being one of the longest nights with so many thoughts going through of my head, how bad was my cancer? was it in fact leukemia? what type of leukemia? would i live? would i die? would see tj grow up? will he remember me if i die? and the list went on and on...i resorted to putting myself in God's hands and praying incessantly that everything would be ok....if my memory serves me correctly i remember talking to lele late night and praying over the phone and feeling God's presence with me and not being afraid of sleeping by myself in a different environment other than my house...although i did have a roommate (yolanda) who was very nice and would every so often talk to me via the curtain that separated us...

enough of that....on to other news, today was tj's 3 year old check up...according to his doctor he is growing like a weed and is at or above the 75th percentile in both weight and height...he weighs 34 pounds and his height is 3 feet 6 1/4 inches...no annual vaccinations until next year but he did get the vaccine flu, especially with my health and my counts often being low, he had to get it and tom will get it as well...he cried for a second but then was a champ about it...after that we went to target and i bought him footsie flannel pj's for the winter...i grabbed size 4 but when i got to the checkout i realized the size 4 went up to 36 pounds which would not work if he is 34 pounds now..so exchanged them for a size 5...i cannot believe he is going to be wearing size 5 pj's at age 3...good lord and God bless him...

i forgot to mention yesterday, that i took an hour of my day and volunteered at the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to help them setup for the different upcoming Light the Night walks..it was a great feeling to do so, even if it was just for an hour..i will go back and try to help them as much as i can...

looks like another win for the yanks...as my best friend mario put it the other day..the yankes are beasts....we have a good looking team this year...

that's it for today...good night and God bless...